ReaLITy Check: Growing Up

Books are our friends, right? WRONG. Friends don't lie, at least they shouldn't lie. Therefore, books cannot be our friends. Rewind to the beginning of my senior year, or even before that, and you'll see what I'm talking about. Fiction is fiction for a reason and I know that authors try to stick to realism, but need to spice things up. It's especially hard in contemporary because it's our world. Well, in late high school, I realized that everything I thought I knew about graduation was false, thanks to YA contemporary.

Do you know how many YA contemporary books are set in public high school? A lot. Do you know how many of those are set in senior year, usually the spring before they graduate? A lot more. Do you know how many of those realistically portrayed what senior year is supposed to be like? A whole lot less. Real life is no fun and usually boring so I get wanting to spice things up, but is it really necessary to traumatically disappoint me? 

I took the ACTs earlier than most, but still continued to take it throughout my senior year to boost my  score (I did well the earlier times, but a certain scholarship I needed required a high score that I kept missing by a point or less). There've been books that have talked about the SATs and others that have talked about scholarships. A lot of times, there has been mention of stress about picking a college and deciding what to do or how to get there or coping with growing up. But I NEVER read a book that accurately described the stress and the confusing, mundane tasks to actually reach college. 

The super long list I was never informed I had to do to reach college includes...

• Paying to just apply for college 
• Writing AT LEAST a 500 word essay (one I looked at had TWO!) along with other repetitive questions
• Actually deciding on which college, which requires lots of research and worrying
• Making sure the college you want knows you're accepting
• Signing up for housing (required, along with a meal plan for my college)
• Worrying about your roommate
• Waiting forever to hear about your room assignment
• Signing up for orientation
• Completing FAFSA
• Sending in your immunization forms...several times
• Repeatedly sending in your transcripts
• Applying for lots of scholarships
• Waiting to see if you're accepted for those scholarships, and having panic attacks when you're not and having dance parties when you are 
• Worry more about money, repeat this 10x
• Go to orientation and be severely bored
• Sign up for classes
• Wait

These are just the ones I remember off the top of my head and they don't even include junior year. Or deciding on which major you want. The problem with YA contemporary fiction is that it's way more fun than real life. I'm not saying that I don't want that, but it's cruel to realize you don't live in the same world. I constantly read about these people "worrying" (yeah, sure, whatever. Your stress is MINUSCULE compared to mine) about colleges, but they end up going to an out of state university. Those bad boys are about $20,000 more expensive! If you're a normal kid, where are you getting all this money from? What about the transportation home? What about your ACT/SAT scores? I've read a story where the girl was obsessed with memorizing vocabulary, but what about the other aspects? What about all the mundane details? Aren't you going to at least mention them? 

The growing up process is extremely different in fiction than it is in reality, as should be expected. But being a book lover makes it complicated. You want to connect with the character and have her feel the same way as you, but it's hard when your stress level is sky high and hers barely reaches the fence level. 

So fiction has given me another unrealistic expectation to grumble about because life is way harder than the (contemporary) main characters' growing up problems. Unless you live in Panem, I don't believe your complaints. Too bad you have [this problem] to deal with, but yay for you, you magically get accepted into the school of your choice far away even though you never studied. 

What's your complaint with YA contemporary, especially with school settings? Did you find your expectations for growing up completely delusional? 

Where You Are

I was going to title this as Where Are You? but then realized that sounds pretty stalkerish. Not that I'm above stalking, I do it pretty frequently. This will be relatively short, but I wanted to get this out here because when I'm curious, I get impatient quickly.

On the day-to-day basis of my life, when I read, I'm on the treadmill. It's the only time of day that I really feel is mine and I won't feel guilty because I'm combining exercise and reading. Win-win, right? Now that it's summer, I need to work on my stupid farmer's tan (I'm not really a farmer) so maybe some reading in the sun will be great. To be honest, I don't have many stipulations on what my surroundings must be like when I read. The only must is that I must be comfortable. It's a given, right? Well, if I'm on the treadmill, I actually don't want to sweat. So I feel myself getting sweaty there or even unbearably hot outside, I'm out. While it's not a must, I do enjoy listening to music while I read. The music depends on the book most of the time, and since I'm a mood reader, I'm a mood listener too.

But I was wondering, don't books become more treasured or enjoyable when you're in a better setting? For me, the best thing about being at a hotel after the free breakfast is to sit beside the pool, soaking in the sun, and read. That book becomes so much better than before. And of course, since I'm a mood reader on a usual basis, I tend to go for more sunny, summery books when I'm beside the pool. Contemporary, please.

Music, no music, sunshine, air conditioning, nearby water, inside fireplace...they're all changes in our surroundings that people like or dislike. While I do love reading at the beach, I also mourn when I have to work when it's raining because that means no pleasure reading. In Florida summers, we have thunderstorms. Thunderstorms are perfect for movie-watching or reading pleasure. Trust me. 

Of course, this is where my impatience comes in. If you've stuck around this far, thank you. I'm trying to process my pondering. Here's a little informal survey: are you particular about your setting? Do you have to be in a certain spot to really enjoy reading? Do you hate a specific setting? Weather? Music? For whatever odd reason, I get sick in the car when I read sometimes, while other times I'm perfectly fine for hours. Can you read in the car? Do you look forward to multitask your reading (tanning and reading, exercising and reading, etc.)? WHAT DO YOU LIKE? 

The Comparison Game

Fun fact: My parents teach a Sunday school class. Get rid of your previous knowledge of a Sunday school class because it's most likely not true, at least when it comes to this one. My parents make it fun. Every child groans at the thought of publicly admitting that their parents make something fun because that gives the parents leverage. But it's true. They teach. They laugh. They joke. They even play 80s music in there sometimes.

Why am I saying this? Well, I thought it was only right to give them credit for today's discussion. Recently, they talked about comparing in class and how it affects our lives. The moral of the story: comparing = no good. That's true for all of life, but I think it's really present in the blogging community.

The common statements I hear from bloggers...

• are about stats.
• are about how we should ignore stats.
• are about ARCs.
• are about how much they should post. 
• are about everything they have to do, blogging-wise.

What does every statement have in common? In some way or form, comparison is involved. Most likely, when that statement about stats or ARCs is mentioned, the blogger is comparing themselves to another blogger. "I only have 200 followers and she has 500, WHY?" or "How did she get that July title?" 

But we tend to think that comparing can only go one way. Here's what my parents said, specifically my father, that I think is very, very true: comparison can lead towards inferiority or superiority, which then leads to envy or arrogance.

Think about it. Let it settle. Good? Okay. 

I'm almost always on the inferior side of things. I'll admit it, I get jealous. Most of the time, I really am just joking with people when I say, "Ah, I'm so jealous!" because I'm happy for them. But we're in the honesty zone right now so I'll admit this other fact: sometimes, I panic when I see ARC pictures or see others' higher stats and wonder why I don't have that. Why not me? What am I doing wrong? What are they doing right? Everyone runs along the similar thought process one time or another. It's a horrible path to take and can feel very lonely. 

I've seen several posts of bloggers saying they panic when they can't crank out a post every day (which shows their own inferiority in some way), while I'm over here wondering how I can just write a few each week. Whatever. Their blogs are amazing. They're making me feel stupid/like a failure/worthless/etc.

First of all, that's wrong. They can't make me feel anything. That's another thing my dad has taught me, which is that no one can make me feel anything. I'm in control of my emotions. Oh, they can annoy me. But I can deal with how I react or feel. With that psychology/therapy session out of the way, here's the other thing that's wrong with that. I shouldn't even compare our weaknesses. I'm still thinking in the inferior mindset, but this can quickly go to a superior mindset, which is equally wrong.

Oh, hey, I have that ARC they wanted...I'm so glad I don't have their design...Reviewing problems? Ha! I have all of my reviews written and nothing backlogged...At least I don't have that problem...and on it goes. The superior mindset is just as bad as the inferior. Not more, not less. While inferiority can lead to envy and self-pity, superiority leads to arrogance and pride. It doesn't even matter if you can hide this feeling of superiority, sooner or later it will show, and it won't be pretty. It's a great feeling to pat yourself on the back sometimes because you worked hard. But you shouldn't think badly about another blogger because of it.

As I said, I'm usually on the inferiority side so I actually don't have much to say in the ways of superiority. I won't even try to pretend that I do. I think both sides of comparing should be careful though. "Big bloggers" have to be careful to not lift their heads above "smaller bloggers" because they have more followers, publicist contacts, ARCs, and less time. In the same way, "smaller bloggers" or even just bloggers in general shouldn't compare themselves to other bloggers. It's hard and I don't think this game will ever stop. We're humans. We want what we don't have, and we have our insecurities.

It happens. I won't judge if you won't. All I'm saying is to be aware of this Comparison Game. When you see a picture of the newest ARC, don't panic that you won't get it. Don't worry that you have less followers than the other blogger who has many. Don't be sensitive. When you see another blogger has less posts than you do, don't think that you have a better blog because you post daily. Don't be prideful. Neither trait is attractive.

Which side of comparison do you usually play?

Readerly Shame

I think the sentiment "be true to yourself" is the most stressed value in fiction, especially in YA books. Leading double lives, hiding a passion/desire, lying to a loved one, or trying to figure out the future. As readers, we cheer on the main characters to follow their heart (but don't be stupid) and be true to themselves.

So isn't it ironic that we readers are shamed of various aspects in our reading? For me, embarrassment is one of the worst feelings. I'm doubly impacted because I blush very easily (think insta-tomato) and my awkwardness skyrockets. Sometimes this readerly shame comes from non-readers, mostly from other readers, but then there are moments where we stir the shame ourselves.

A few areas in our reading lives where we feel ashamed: 

Covers. Sometimes I have a great opportunity to read and I don't. Why? Because I'm in public and the cover makes me so uncomfortable that I can't bring myself to bring it out in the open. I don't read scandalous books, the only book that comes close is the cover for Just One Year where they're kissing on the front (and actually, I still haven't read that book). But certain things on the cover will make me feel too embarrassed to read it in front of people. It's ugly, too girly, too juvenile, too adult-like, too kissy, too whatever. At one point, I wouldn't even read The Princess Diaries in public because it had too much pink. I automatically assumed that everyone around me was judging me.

Genres. "I like contemporary." Oh, you like "issue" books/all sex/[insert another contemporary stereotype] books? "I like sci-fi." Like Star Trek? "I like fantasy." How do you even follow along? And on it goes.

Book verdicts. Reviewing a book can be scary. Usually, I don't really care and will say my thoughts regardless (of course, I always try to not be rude if it's a negative review). But when I know other people have disliked, or liked, a book, it's sometimes hard to say what you thought of a book when other people thought differently. Being a black sheep can be embarrassing. 

On the other side of things, I hope I've never shamed someone. Many people reading the examples above might think "oh, you're just insecure," and while I don't disagree that I may be sometimes, other readers, bloggers, and non-readers have definitely provided some shame. When they see a certain book cover and title, there's a nose-scrunch and disdaining remark. There's been non-joking outrage after saying how I felt about a book. I'll joke about how shameful something is or wig out be surprised if someone didn't read a book I loved or didn't like a book I've fangirled over. But I never want to actually, purposefully shame someone. I don't want to cast a judging look at someone reading a provocative adult romance novel in public or wonder why an adult is reading a middle grader's sci-fi book.

Why do we let people make us feel ashamed? My dad always says that we're in control of our own feelings, no one can make us feel something. Really, the problem is us me worrying that people are judging me. Judgement leads to embarrassment and embarrassment leads to the notorious red face.

But why should there be even judging? Why should people feel ashamed? Why do we hide our true feelings on something or hide the cover of the book we're reading in the doctor's waiting room? I think readers shouldn't feel ashamed at their preferences...but others shouldn't give the baffled look.

Have people shamed you for things while reading? Do you feel embarrassed for reading books with certain covers or for the things I've listed?