Tuesday, November 12, 2013

YA Parenting 101

A common trope/annoyance/trend in YA is the lack of parents or really, the lack of good parents. They may be dead or out of the picture or even the antagonist. It's very rare to find a nice parent relationship. Not so ironically, tomorrow is my mother's I won't say birthday. While I could show some great examples my mom has done throughout my life (as well as my dad since this can be an early hurrah for his January birthday as well), I thought it would be more fun to give parenting advice courtesy of some YA books I've read.

Don't stass your child.
Bad parenting: Fitzroy parents from A Long, Long Sleep

If anybody has read A Long, Long Sleep, you'll know that this is probably the worst set of parents ever. I don't know if I can say too much because it might be considered a spoiler even though you'd be blind to not realize it. First of all, they stassed their child. Stassing is basically putting them in a coma for however long you want to. And they wanted to a lot. You find more horrific things about them as you read. 

Be careful of the bratty woes that money may bring.
Bad parenting: Richard Larabee from 52 Reasons to Hate My Father.

He could also be considered the antagonist in this story, but anyone can know that after reading the title. He ignores his daughter, is cold, calculating, and doesn't deserve the title "father" one iota in the majority of the book. By doing this, his daughter was raised to be self-centered with a twisted view of life and love. Mr. Larabee is the poster child for how to screw your kid up with money.


Don't Dessen your daughter.
Bad parenting: parents from Sarah Dessen books.

In her stories, the parents are a big part of the conflict in the book. Whether it's a deadbeat mother, an absent father, a misunderstanding between the teenager and the parent, or something else; the parent plays a role, but man, they do a nice job in messing up their kid's life.

Draw a line between parenting and controlling.
Bad parenting: Meg Burke from Secrets of My Hollywood Life.

Once again, an antagonist parent. She supposedly means well throughout the series, but the conflict is always the same. She overworks her daughter, acts more like a controlling manager instead of a mother, and her daughter makes excuses for her. Her desire was to make her kids famous, but that was mostly so she could be famous and filthy rich. How to Let Your Child Go 101 is the class for her.


Don't be absent.
Bad parenting: Alanna's dad from The Song of the Lioness.

We never really met him in the series, but he forced his children to do things they didn't want to do. This wasn't "do your chores" kind of thing. This was "I'm making you go down this career path." Also, I subtract parenting points for being an absentee father. I think Thom needed a better male figure in his life.

Be there for your child during the hard times.
Bad parenting: Mrs. Everdeen from The Hunger Games.

To her credit, she did improve...and then sank again. When Katniss's father died, she left her two young daughters to their own defenses, widening a gap between her and Katniss. There was definite improvement, I thought, in the second book when Katniss started forgiving her. Then trauma happened and...well...you want to be mad at her, but you want to hug her as well.

Money can also distance your relationship.
Bad parenting: Hale's parents from Heist Society.

We don't know much about Hale's parents and only receive a peek into their lives in the third book. They're another set of rich parents who don't really care about their son. If someone would just give me lots of money when I reach the parenting stage or I can take it earlier, I would set a great example of how parenting can be done when wealthy.

So if you aren't doing any of these things, you're on the right path to being a good parent! Fortunately, I'm not in a YA novel and my parents haven't messed me up. I thank you both. Happy Birthday, Mom! 

What are some other YA bad parenting mistakes that you've noticed?

18 comments:

  1. lol - great post, Sunny! Stassing ... what the heck? From the sounds of it, there are times *I* wouldn't mind being stassed. ;)

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    1. Thanks, Christy! Ha, that's what I thought while I was reading it...until the end, haha.

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  2. Don't Dessen your daughter! Ha. I don't think I've read nearly enough Sarah Dessen books. ;) I'm not sure which is worse - and absent parent or a controlling one. Fortunately, I'm not in a position where I can say! This is a great post, Sunny. Happy birthday to your mum! :)

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    1. I thought about the same thing as well. You want to think that they control because they care, but sometimes that's not the case. But at the same time, being absent shows no care at all. Thank you and I'll tell her!

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  3. I wish there were more positive parent/child relationships in YA. It does seem like most of them are negative. I've only read one Dessen book, and yes, the relationship between the MC and her mom was not great. I have not read 52 Reasons to Hate My Father, I want to. The only bad relationship that is not on your list that I can think of right now, is Audra and her mother in Let the Sky Fall, she had really messed up Audra. She was horrible. Great post! Oh, and I hope your mom has a happy birthday! :)

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    1. I wish so too. You should read 52 Reasons because I love the book as well as the author! It's a fun contemporary :) Oh, I haven't read that one, thanks for the suggestion! Thank you :) She's pretty low key, the necessities for every mother celebration are: pizza, Dr. Pepper, and dessert...oh and lots of gifts!

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    2. I'm going to check and see if the library has 52 Reasons! I really feel like reading a fun contemporary. :) Let the Sky Fall is a really good book, so yes, I really recommend it! Replace Dr. Pepper with Pepsi and that's my moms birthday too! ;)

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  4. Haha! This is such a great response to the bad-parent trope. While some authors create great strained relationships, I like seeing close ones as well, and all the qualities you listed have the potential to annoy readers.

    I particularly agree about Meg Burke. Her actions enraged me throughout the series, and although I could see where she was coming from (sometimes), I wanted to scream at her to give her daughter some space. I would also like to point out the mom from The Revenge of the Girl with the Great Personality because I hated that woman so much. :/

    Happy birthday to your mom! I'm glad your relationship with her is superior to ones commonly found in YA. :)

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    1. Yes! I love 52 Reasons so that's an example of a great strained relationship, but still keeping a great book. But the whole negative parent trope has gotten old and I wish to see more relationships like Hazel's parents in The Fault in Our Stars.

      OH MY YES. At the end, I really didn't know who I was frustrated with more: Kaitlin or Meg. See, I think I DNF'd that book and now I wish I hadn't so I could've added it on here!

      Thank you, I'm very glad for that too! :)

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  5. This is a fantastic post! I really enjoyed finding out which characters I knew (Heist Society, Hunger Games, A Long Long Sleep) and I was interested in the others. I always particularly love it when there are really fantastic parents or family in a book. I understand that it's not always like that, and that the parents being horrid or just absent is a plot point, but when it's lovely... that's really special.

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    1. Thank you, Romi! I agree. I mentioned in an above comment how Hazel's parents in The Fault in Our Stars are fantastic because they're close with their daughter and have a role in her life POSITIVELY. Your comment is truth. Sure, there are some bad parents out there, but I would like to see the other side of the tracks (the positive side) represented as well. With great parents, I connect more with that most of all and it's special too.

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    2. I was actually thinking about TFiOS when I was talking about fantastic parents in books, because I agree 100% that they are truly excellent. Arguably my favourite character parents thus far.

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  6. Haha, awesome post, Sunny! I agree about the "don't Dessen your daughter"! She always makes the worst parents. And I feel so terrible for Hale from Heist Society, because his parents are like completely off the map. O.O I hope that your momma has a great birthday! :)

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  7. Haha love this post! I haven't read some of these books yet but they definitely sound the poster parent for who not to raise your children. The other example I can come up with off the top of my head is Juliette's parents from SHATTER ME. They basically shove her in her room and disown her because she can't touch anybody. And then they gladly hand her over to the government to be locked in a cell for possibly the rest of her life. Who does that?!

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    1. Oh snap, how did I forget about her?! Great suggestion. Bad, baaaaad parents.

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  8. Oh yeah, absent parent syndrome is annoying--so is annoying parent syndrome. I think one of my favorite (and most realistic) depictions of parent/child relationship is Clara's relationship with her mom in Unearthly. So beautiful.

    Wendy @ The Midnight Garden

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  9. Oh, geez, the absentee parents! I hate when parents are introduced in a book and then you're wondering why because you don't see them for the rest of the story. I know that not everyone has the perfect family situation, but I hate when this trope is used just so that the kids can get away with more stuff or go on about their lives with no one to answer to. It's a little too perfect, ya know? Great topic, Sunny!

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