Friday, March 14, 2014

Readerly Shame

I think the sentiment "be true to yourself" is the most stressed value in fiction, especially in YA books. Leading double lives, hiding a passion/desire, lying to a loved one, or trying to figure out the future. As readers, we cheer on the main characters to follow their heart (but don't be stupid) and be true to themselves.


So isn't it ironic that we readers are shamed of various aspects in our reading? For me, embarrassment is one of the worst feelings. I'm doubly impacted because I blush very easily (think insta-tomato) and my awkwardness skyrockets. Sometimes this readerly shame comes from non-readers, mostly from other readers, but then there are moments where we stir the shame ourselves.

A few areas in our reading lives where we feel ashamed: 

Covers. Sometimes I have a great opportunity to read and I don't. Why? Because I'm in public and the cover makes me so uncomfortable that I can't bring myself to bring it out in the open. I don't read scandalous books, the only book that comes close is the cover for Just One Year where they're kissing on the front (and actually, I still haven't read that book). But certain things on the cover will make me feel too embarrassed to read it in front of people. It's ugly, too girly, too juvenile, too adult-like, too kissy, too whatever. At one point, I wouldn't even read The Princess Diaries in public because it had too much pink. I automatically assumed that everyone around me was judging me.

Genres. "I like contemporary." Oh, you like "issue" books/all sex/[insert another contemporary stereotype] books? "I like sci-fi." Like Star Trek? "I like fantasy." How do you even follow along? And on it goes.

Book verdicts. Reviewing a book can be scary. Usually, I don't really care and will say my thoughts regardless (of course, I always try to not be rude if it's a negative review). But when I know other people have disliked, or liked, a book, it's sometimes hard to say what you thought of a book when other people thought differently. Being a black sheep can be embarrassing. 

On the other side of things, I hope I've never shamed someone. Many people reading the examples above might think "oh, you're just insecure," and while I don't disagree that I may be sometimes, other readers, bloggers, and non-readers have definitely provided some shame. When they see a certain book cover and title, there's a nose-scrunch and disdaining remark. There's been non-joking outrage after saying how I felt about a book. I'll joke about how shameful something is or wig out be surprised if someone didn't read a book I loved or didn't like a book I've fangirled over. But I never want to actually, purposefully shame someone. I don't want to cast a judging look at someone reading a provocative adult romance novel in public or wonder why an adult is reading a middle grader's sci-fi book.

Why do we let people make us feel ashamed? My dad always says that we're in control of our own feelings, no one can make us feel something. Really, the problem is us me worrying that people are judging me. Judgement leads to embarrassment and embarrassment leads to the notorious red face.


But why should there be even judging? Why should people feel ashamed? Why do we hide our true feelings on something or hide the cover of the book we're reading in the doctor's waiting room? I think readers shouldn't feel ashamed at their preferences...but others shouldn't give the baffled look.


Have people shamed you for things while reading? Do you feel embarrassed for reading books with certain covers or for the things I've listed? 

16 comments:

  1. Always! I read a lot books so sometimes they have slightly girly covers and since I'm a boy I always feel like I'm being judged when I'm in public. Also anytime I read a Game of Thrones book in public I get at least three people telling me I'm to young to read them... even though I'm in high school.

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    1. Oh, I hate that. I don't want people telling me what I should or shouldn't be reading.

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  2. I always feel bad when I don't enjoy a book (or don't have any interest in a book) that everyone else in the blogging community liked or loved. And I totally get your feelings about Just One Year! I can feel my mother silently judging me every time I read it...

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    1. My mom refused to buy it for me for Christmas ;)

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  3. I honestly don't care a single fuck what people think about the books I read, haha. I pay a lot of attention what people think about me, but when it comes to books I don't give a crap about their opinion. I read whatever I want to read :) I'm not the least embarrassed about my books and I read whatever I want in public.

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  4. There have only been a couple books that I wouldn't read in public. One had a mother breastfeeding her child on the cover. That is something I'm totally comfortable with, but I didn't want people asking me about the book so I had one book for reading in public and I read that one at home. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people interrupt my reading to ask what the book is about when I know they literally have no interest in reading the novel.

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    1. THIS, YES. I've found that when I just sit somewhere, people don't come up to me. But when I have a book in hand, it's constant interruptions and they don't even care about the book. I like bookish talks, but not when there's no true interest.

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  5. This is such a great post, Summer! Thanks for sharing. What you've said definitely rings true. In fact, in the course I'm taking right now, we were just having a discussion about how e-books give people the opportunity to read books in public that they may not otherwise want to read because of the cover, or the shock value, like Fifty Shades of Grey. But on an e-reader, no one knows what you're reading ;P

    I'm pretty confident about reading what I want to read, but I do sometimes feel a bit shy about the fact that I read a lot of YA, considering the fact that I'm over 30. Most of the time, when people ask, I'm honest about the genre that I'm reading, but omit the fact that it's a YA novel. Lying by omission, I suppose ;P

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  6. I love this post!! I wraps up all of my thoughts on this subject with a bow. I will admit to feeling shame about reading a book in public. Like, I will not read Crash Into You by Katie McGarry because of the cover and I hate it. I want to read a book where ever I want without feeling shame about it. The worst time was a few years ago when everyone hated Twilight, but I loved it. I wouldn't read those in public even though I loved them,because I didn't want to get into an argument. Nine times out of ten, when a brought a Twilight book with me whenever I went somewhere someone would say something like "You actually read those books?" or "you really liked the Twilight books?" or just shoot me a glare. And if got sick of it. I didn't want to fight about it anymore and I couldn't not stand up for them. So I just stopped reading them in public.

    I also believe that we think more people are judging us then they really are when we read a book like that in public. I also want to go into the Middle-School section at a book store or library and not feel childish and ashamed. Again, I think the shame comes from myself. I make it up in my mind that some one is judging me, when they probably aren't. I don't know why this is, at all. Until this post, I always thought it was just me.

    Great post!! Sorry my comment was long. Apparently I had a lot to say about this.

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  7. What embarrasses me most is when my books have silly titles-- The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things was sort of in that category. The worst was when my friend mocked me for reading Sue Limb's book "Party Disaster!" Which has a neon pink-and-green cover... I definitely questioned my life choices that day.

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  8. Yes to this! I'm pretty comfortable with expressing my opinions on my blog, whether they are negative thoughts about a wildly popular novel or glowing thoughts on what a literary elitist would call "fluff." Everyone I have talked to online is respectful and understands that every novel is different for every person, so although I know there are some crazies, I don't really think about them. However, I do sometimes get embarrassed about reading certain books - particularly books with people kissing on the cover - in public. It's not uncommon for me to be reading two books at a time: one for at-home reading and another to take with me out into the world. I wish I was more confident about this issue - I need to work on overcoming my readerly shame, and I wish you luck in doing the same!

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  9. Love this post, Summer! I'm lucky that I haven't really been directly shamed for reading or not reading things before. I have been laughed at a little bit when I have had people look at what I was reading, but not enough that it's kept me from reading what I want to. At least not anymore. I used to think about what I was reading in public a lot more (Because even if I hadn't gotten made fun of over it, I was afraid I might.), but now I just get mad at myself whenever I almost don't bring a book with me or don't pick up a book that I think I may get laughed at over and usually end up taking it with me or reading it anyway because I get angry about it. ;)

    It frustrates me that people get shamed for reading things they love! :( As long as a person is reading, it doesn't matter what it is, as long as they read! Or at least it shouldn't matter! I have heard people get shamed because they read Manga and Graphic Novels, and as a person who loves them, that makes me really mad! If a person loves them, let them read them without making them feel like the books are beneath them! And for the Adults who read YA and MG, why do people feel like they have to make fun of them? And people who read romance novels? And people who love Picture Books? What's the point in people shaming them?! I don't get it! The world would better if people didn't have to worry about being laughed at over whatever they're reading.

    And this comment turned out longer than I thought it would. And a lot more ranty than I thought it would. Um, sorry? But I love this post, Summer! :)

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  10. GREAT post! I completely understand where you're coming from. Recently I was reading a book that had two half-naked people on the cover, and I couldn't even bring it anywhere with me because I was too embarrassed to be reading something like that in public. Or recently I was reading a book at a doctor's appointment and somebody asked me what it was...I got kind of embarrassed that I was reading YA, so I just kind of explained the plot without being super specific about how old the characters were. I felt so awkward, but also really mad that I was embarrassed about it. I definitely SHOULDN'T be, but sometimes I can't help but care what other people think. Especially when it's about something as important to me as reading. I don't want to even risk the judgment of other people about my most favorite and one of the most personal things that I do.

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  11. My older sis and I were recently discussing reading YA in public because the covers can be, um, embarrassing. I also hate when someone asks what I'm reading and I have to explain that I'm reading YA and then I get that confused look or they cringe or just don't get it at all. I wish people in general could just be less judgmental, and then it wouldn't matter so much. But like you said, a lot of that is me projecting my own feelings.

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  12. This was an amazing post! And my professor is yelling at me to get off of my phone but I had to comment because INSTA-TOMATO!!! girl, I freaking get you! I. GET. YOU.

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