The Kevins

You know, I really do try to get along with everyone. I befriend the shy people, I stick by the loud ones, I suck it up when I’m around slightly annoying people. I even give multiple chances to people who have ditched me occasionally. But then there’s some people who I really don’t want anything to do with. One group of people who fall under that category is the know-it-all’s.

Oh, everyone has that certain someone in their life. If you don’t, you’re either very lucky or an a know-it-all yourself. Because I know at least three people who are under the category of being a royal pain.

Let me introduce you to my college class on one particular Thursday. We were assigned randomly in groups to do a project. Individually, we had to save six out of sixteen imaginary people. As a group, you had to fight for the people you wanted to saved. My professor (I’ll call him Dr. Paul) told us that we also had to give in a couple times though. With seven people in a group, it was impossible to have all of the people each of us wanted. He also instructed that if there was a conflict on a person, we vote and majority wins.

One punk in my group decided to buck against that statement.



Maybe it was my fault I hadn't prayed more thoroughly while Dr. Paul was assigning groups. I prayed that I wouldn't be placed with the stinky kid who sits a couple seats away from me. Thankfully, I haven’t personally smelled him. But the guy next to me says he plugs his nose for the entire hour and fifteen minute class. So I just wanted a good group. I didn't want to be the “dumb” one who isn't on the same level as everyone. However, I didn't want my whole group to be stupid and give me a bad grade. I didn't think it was too much to ask for just an overall good group with no smelly guys.

Well, I thought I got what I wanted. That is, until I met "Kevin." Oh, Kevin. He refused to cooperate with any of our choices. His policy (although he didn't say it out loud) was “my way or the highway.”

Good grief, I absolutely despise those people. They go hand in hand with the know-it-all’s. My group didn't help either. They were wimps, I tell you. They didn't want to upset Kevin by going against him. Michelle was the first to give in. Whatever, I thought she would be the weaker one where Kevin was concerned anyways.

Then it just went downhill. I looked on in disbelief (I think I was gaping a bit too) as Kevin seemed to brainwash everyone in my group. He even got to Agi. I thought Agi was going to be my homie. Mi amiga. My ally, if you will. But no, she reluctantly went on Team Kevin.

That wasn't the most frustrating thing about him. His signature look was a obnoxious, condescending smirk. It was a good thing he was two seats away from me or I would've been tempted to wipe it off. He questioned everything, squashing everyone else’s opinions. He thought every single choice of mine was absolutely wrong. It was as if I just said 2 + 2 = 9 every time I tried to reason with him.

I couldn't believe it when I was forced to go with his choices because the majority ruled it. Where was the majority previously? People, it was an injustice!

At the end, we split up and were given sheets of paper. The whole assignment was actually about what our group was like. Who was the most influential? Kevin. Who talked the most? Kevin. What did he/she do to be the most influential?

Oh, I had fun with that one. At first, I was trying to write objectively. However, I have to admit, I even started smirking while I was writing. I wrote that he seemed to brainwash everyone like those strangle-worthy antagonists in books and movies. And I happily ended the whole thing saying he was a combination of a mule and a politician.

Smirk-tastic

I now apologize to mules and politicians everywhere. No one should be compared to Kevin.

After I wrote it all down in pen, I realized we might have to hand it in. We did, but I felt so pleased with my emotions after that I just didn't care. When I told my family later, I was able to shock them speechless for a few seconds. Rare feat.

Unfortunately, I still get a bitter taste in my mouth when I see Kevin walk in the room. I officially declared him my college archnemesis. Not to his face, of course. He probably would just smirk, argue why that is, brainwash the whole room, then take over the world.

So here’s to all of you who have to deal with the Kevins in your life. May you not be led to murder. May you have self-control and peace. And may gifts and blessings be bestowed on you for having to deal with a Kevin.

Who’s your Kevin? What do you do when you encounter a know-it-all? What would you have done if you were in my situation?