Readerly Shame

I think the sentiment "be true to yourself" is the most stressed value in fiction, especially in YA books. Leading double lives, hiding a passion/desire, lying to a loved one, or trying to figure out the future. As readers, we cheer on the main characters to follow their heart (but don't be stupid) and be true to themselves.

So isn't it ironic that we readers are shamed of various aspects in our reading? For me, embarrassment is one of the worst feelings. I'm doubly impacted because I blush very easily (think insta-tomato) and my awkwardness skyrockets. Sometimes this readerly shame comes from non-readers, mostly from other readers, but then there are moments where we stir the shame ourselves.

A few areas in our reading lives where we feel ashamed: 

Covers. Sometimes I have a great opportunity to read and I don't. Why? Because I'm in public and the cover makes me so uncomfortable that I can't bring myself to bring it out in the open. I don't read scandalous books, the only book that comes close is the cover for Just One Year where they're kissing on the front (and actually, I still haven't read that book). But certain things on the cover will make me feel too embarrassed to read it in front of people. It's ugly, too girly, too juvenile, too adult-like, too kissy, too whatever. At one point, I wouldn't even read The Princess Diaries in public because it had too much pink. I automatically assumed that everyone around me was judging me.

Genres. "I like contemporary." Oh, you like "issue" books/all sex/[insert another contemporary stereotype] books? "I like sci-fi." Like Star Trek? "I like fantasy." How do you even follow along? And on it goes.

Book verdicts. Reviewing a book can be scary. Usually, I don't really care and will say my thoughts regardless (of course, I always try to not be rude if it's a negative review). But when I know other people have disliked, or liked, a book, it's sometimes hard to say what you thought of a book when other people thought differently. Being a black sheep can be embarrassing. 

On the other side of things, I hope I've never shamed someone. Many people reading the examples above might think "oh, you're just insecure," and while I don't disagree that I may be sometimes, other readers, bloggers, and non-readers have definitely provided some shame. When they see a certain book cover and title, there's a nose-scrunch and disdaining remark. There's been non-joking outrage after saying how I felt about a book. I'll joke about how shameful something is or wig out be surprised if someone didn't read a book I loved or didn't like a book I've fangirled over. But I never want to actually, purposefully shame someone. I don't want to cast a judging look at someone reading a provocative adult romance novel in public or wonder why an adult is reading a middle grader's sci-fi book.

Why do we let people make us feel ashamed? My dad always says that we're in control of our own feelings, no one can make us feel something. Really, the problem is us me worrying that people are judging me. Judgement leads to embarrassment and embarrassment leads to the notorious red face.

But why should there be even judging? Why should people feel ashamed? Why do we hide our true feelings on something or hide the cover of the book we're reading in the doctor's waiting room? I think readers shouldn't feel ashamed at their preferences...but others shouldn't give the baffled look.

Have people shamed you for things while reading? Do you feel embarrassed for reading books with certain covers or for the things I've listed?