The Comparison Game

Fun fact: My parents teach a Sunday school class. Get rid of your previous knowledge of a Sunday school class because it's most likely not true, at least when it comes to this one. My parents make it fun. Every child groans at the thought of publicly admitting that their parents make something fun because that gives the parents leverage. But it's true. They teach. They laugh. They joke. They even play 80s music in there sometimes.

Why am I saying this? Well, I thought it was only right to give them credit for today's discussion. Recently, they talked about comparing in class and how it affects our lives. The moral of the story: comparing = no good. That's true for all of life, but I think it's really present in the blogging community.

The common statements I hear from bloggers...

• are about stats.
• are about how we should ignore stats.
• are about ARCs.
• are about how much they should post. 
• are about everything they have to do, blogging-wise.

What does every statement have in common? In some way or form, comparison is involved. Most likely, when that statement about stats or ARCs is mentioned, the blogger is comparing themselves to another blogger. "I only have 200 followers and she has 500, WHY?" or "How did she get that July title?" 

But we tend to think that comparing can only go one way. Here's what my parents said, specifically my father, that I think is very, very true: comparison can lead towards inferiority or superiority, which then leads to envy or arrogance.

Think about it. Let it settle. Good? Okay. 

I'm almost always on the inferior side of things. I'll admit it, I get jealous. Most of the time, I really am just joking with people when I say, "Ah, I'm so jealous!" because I'm happy for them. But we're in the honesty zone right now so I'll admit this other fact: sometimes, I panic when I see ARC pictures or see others' higher stats and wonder why I don't have that. Why not me? What am I doing wrong? What are they doing right? Everyone runs along the similar thought process one time or another. It's a horrible path to take and can feel very lonely. 

I've seen several posts of bloggers saying they panic when they can't crank out a post every day (which shows their own inferiority in some way), while I'm over here wondering how I can just write a few each week. Whatever. Their blogs are amazing. They're making me feel stupid/like a failure/worthless/etc.

First of all, that's wrong. They can't make me feel anything. That's another thing my dad has taught me, which is that no one can make me feel anything. I'm in control of my emotions. Oh, they can annoy me. But I can deal with how I react or feel. With that psychology/therapy session out of the way, here's the other thing that's wrong with that. I shouldn't even compare our weaknesses. I'm still thinking in the inferior mindset, but this can quickly go to a superior mindset, which is equally wrong.

Oh, hey, I have that ARC they wanted...I'm so glad I don't have their design...Reviewing problems? Ha! I have all of my reviews written and nothing backlogged...At least I don't have that problem...and on it goes. The superior mindset is just as bad as the inferior. Not more, not less. While inferiority can lead to envy and self-pity, superiority leads to arrogance and pride. It doesn't even matter if you can hide this feeling of superiority, sooner or later it will show, and it won't be pretty. It's a great feeling to pat yourself on the back sometimes because you worked hard. But you shouldn't think badly about another blogger because of it.

As I said, I'm usually on the inferiority side so I actually don't have much to say in the ways of superiority. I won't even try to pretend that I do. I think both sides of comparing should be careful though. "Big bloggers" have to be careful to not lift their heads above "smaller bloggers" because they have more followers, publicist contacts, ARCs, and less time. In the same way, "smaller bloggers" or even just bloggers in general shouldn't compare themselves to other bloggers. It's hard and I don't think this game will ever stop. We're humans. We want what we don't have, and we have our insecurities.

It happens. I won't judge if you won't. All I'm saying is to be aware of this Comparison Game. When you see a picture of the newest ARC, don't panic that you won't get it. Don't worry that you have less followers than the other blogger who has many. Don't be sensitive. When you see another blogger has less posts than you do, don't think that you have a better blog because you post daily. Don't be prideful. Neither trait is attractive.

Which side of comparison do you usually play?