Friday, April 11, 2014

The Comparison Game

Fun fact: My parents teach a Sunday school class. Get rid of your previous knowledge of a Sunday school class because it's most likely not true, at least when it comes to this one. My parents make it fun. Every child groans at the thought of publicly admitting that their parents make something fun because that gives the parents leverage. But it's true. They teach. They laugh. They joke. They even play 80s music in there sometimes.


Why am I saying this? Well, I thought it was only right to give them credit for today's discussion. Recently, they talked about comparing in class and how it affects our lives. The moral of the story: comparing = no good. That's true for all of life, but I think it's really present in the blogging community.

The common statements I hear from bloggers...
  • are about stats.
  • are about how we should ignore stats.
  • are about ARCs.
  • are about how much they should post. 
  • are about everything they have to do, blogging-wise.

What does every statement have in common? In some way or form, comparison is involved. Most likely, when that statement about stats or ARCs is mentioned, the blogger is comparing themselves to another blogger. "I only have 200 followers and she has 500, WHY?" or "How did she get that July title?" 

But we tend to think that comparing can only go one way. Here's what my parents said, specifically my father, that I think is very, very true: comparison can lead towards inferiority or superiority, which then leads to envy or arrogance.

Think about it. Let it settle. Good? Okay. 

I'm almost always on the inferior side of things. I'll admit it, I get jealous. Most of the time, I really am just joking with people when I say, "Ah, I'm so jealous!" because I'm happy for them. But we're in the honesty zone right now so I'll admit this other fact: sometimes, I panic when I see ARC pictures or see others' higher stats and wonder why I don't have that. Why not me? What am I doing wrong? What are they doing right? Everyone runs along the similar thought process one time or another. It's a horrible path to take and can feel very lonely. 

I've seen several posts of bloggers saying they panic when they can't crank out a post every day (which shows their own inferiority in some way), while I'm over here wondering how I can just write a few each week. Whatever. Their blogs are amazing. They're making me feel stupid/like a failure/worthless/etc.



First of all, that's wrong. They can't make me feel anything. That's another thing my dad has taught me, which is that no one can make me feel anything. I'm in control of my emotions. Oh, they can annoy me. But I can deal with how I react or feel. With that psychology/therapy session out of the way, here's the other thing that's wrong with that. I shouldn't even compare our weaknesses. I'm still thinking in the inferior mindset, but this can quickly go to a superior mindset, which is equally wrong.

Oh, hey, I have that ARC they wanted...I'm so glad I don't have their design...Reviewing problems? Ha! I have all of my reviews written and nothing backlogged...At least I don't have that problem...and on it goes. The superior mindset is just as bad as the inferior. Not more, not less. While inferiority can lead to envy and self-pity, superiority leads to arrogance and pride. It doesn't even matter if you can hide this feeling of superiority, sooner or later it will show, and it won't be pretty. It's a great feeling to pat yourself on the back sometimes because you worked hard. But you shouldn't think badly about another blogger because of it.

As I said, I'm usually on the inferiority side so I actually don't have much to say in the ways of superiority. I won't even try to pretend that I do. I think both sides of comparing should be careful though. "Big bloggers" have to be careful to not lift their heads above "smaller bloggers" because they have more followers, publicist contacts, ARCs, and less time. In the same way, "smaller bloggers" or even just bloggers in general shouldn't compare themselves to other bloggers. It's hard and I don't think this game will ever stop. We're humans. We want what we don't have, and we have our insecurities.


It happens. I won't judge if you won't. All I'm saying is to be aware of this Comparison Game. When you see a picture of the newest ARC, don't panic that you won't get it. Don't worry that you have less followers than the other blogger who has many. Don't be sensitive. When you see another blogger has less posts than you do, don't think that you have a better blog because you post daily. Don't be prideful. Neither trait is attractive.

Which side of comparison do you usually play?

24 comments:

  1. I don't compare most of the times, to be honest. I like to stay focused on myself, but IF I compare, it would be more like 'I'm not as good as them' I don't think superior.

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  2. "Most of the time, I really am just joking with people when I say, "Ah, I'm so jealous!"

    Haha, if I say I'm jealous I usually am ;D Love this post, though. I think there is a huge difference between aspiring to be as "good" as someone and having negative emotions towards them. Plus it's really easy to get caught up in everything.

    And speaking of Sunday school you are so right about all the stereotypes-not true! My friend brought me to hers twice and I can not believe how much fun it was!

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    1. Exactly! Really, if I say that, I don't mean it negatively, just that wow, good for them sort of way.

      That's great!

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  3. I've seen a lot of posts about this topic, but it's always nice to read another reminder. And you make a good point that I haven't heard as much about - looking down on other bloggers is possibly even worse than looking down on yourself. I don't have to worry about that very much, though, because I usually fall into the "feeling inferior" group too. I have a relatively small follower count, I don't post as often as most other active bloggers, etc. But when I feel this way, I just remind myself that my main goal when starting my blog was to meet fellow readers, and since I have made some amazing blogging friends, I feel much better. :)

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    1. It sounds so simple, but I love how you said "looking down on other bloggers is possibly even worse than looking down on yourself," such a balanced sentence ;) That is EXACTLY what I remind myself!

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  4. Excellent post! And your father is a wise man. :) My blog stats aren't small, but I quit having them public because I felt like it isn't anyone's business. I give the info to publishers - that's it.

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    1. I half expected him to pop up at your comment ;) That's a great idea!

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  5. This is a great post, and something that is a good reminder to read once in a while. I've had moments of frustration with myself about the rate of posting, but then have reminded myself that it's MY blog, and I can post when or if I feel like it.

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  6. This is a great post that I can relate to, Summer! I try not to compare, and many times I do a decent job of not comparing my blog to others, but I'm human, so sometimes I can't help it. Usually, the biggest things I tend to compare are the number of comments a blog gets and how much content they generate. It's hard for me not to feel inferior when a blog generates content daily/almost daily AND gets a lot of comments on the posts! Sometimes I love the blog and totally understand it, but sometimes I actually don't really think much of the blog and wonder why everyone else is so into it! But then I remember it doesn't matter! I absolutely love my readers and am very thankful to them!

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    1. I think that's one of the main things I wanted everyone to realize: it's human. Comparing is a human activity, but being aware helps calm it down. Ha, I'm glad I'm not the only one who wonders the same thing! But I quickly remind myself of the same thing as well and feel peaceful again.

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  7. This is fantastic! Just found you on Bloglovin and I'm glad I did! I know that when I first started blogging in 2010 there were a ton of these feelings floating around. Partly I think a lot of it was from The Story Siren's ARC series and what not, a lot of people were learning how to do things... and trying to be better than everyone else. I think it is really important to realize that comparing isn't important and that is how people get burnt out. I took a break from blogging for years because it just started to feel like no one was listening (and school became crazy) but,at the end of the day, being happy with yourself and what you are doing is the most important.

    Happy reading and thanks for this post!

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    1. Christina, that makes me smile SO much. Welcome *hugs* I think that's a biggie to realize. So many bloggers post about being burnt out (I felt close to the same point with juggling school and this) and I think a main factor is comparison. I'm glad you're back!

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  8. I think it's important to remind ourselves of this often--thank you for the post. I think it's smart to have an awareness of how your blog is doing and if you are meeting YOUR goals and feel fulfilled, but it's a waste of time to worry about how you stack up against anyone else. You have zero control over that, so the only thing to do is the best that you can, and the best that you want.

    I have to admit, I get extremely uncomfortable when people say "I'm so jealous!" to me over ARCs or whatever, because although sometimes I can tell they're joking, sometimes it also feels very negative/shocked/whatever and I'm never quite sure how to answer. I'm also not a hugely envious jealous person myself, so I kind of shy away from that in general. Anyway, your "comparison is folly" reminder is a good one. I don't think bloggers can ever hear enough of that.

    Wendy @ The Midnight Garden

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    1. Thank YOU, Wendy! Self-evaluating, unless it becomes a beat-down on yourself, is important, but not when you're evaluating yourself with others.

      That's nice to know, actually! I can see how it can make someone uncomfortable. I guess I see it as a "ah, so cool!" kind of thing.

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  9. I definitely fall on the inferiority side Summer! In the beginning, I was comparing my blog to others like crazy and the success of the blog (in my mind) was dependent on all those things you mentioned - follower count, page views, etc. The longer I blog, the less concerned I become with those things because it's simply exhausting to try and keep up with every single other blogger. There will always be a bigger blog. A blog that posts more often. A blogger that gets more books in the mail. And it's taken me a long time to realize that that's okay. It doesn't make me less-than:)

    This is fabulous post and definitely a much needed reminder of what is and is not important in blogging and life in general:)

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    1. Jenny, you're awesome. I couldn't stop agreeing with your comment and nodding along.

      Thanks *blushes*

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  10. I try not to compare too much, but usually I guess it's on the inferiority side. But I think I do a good job not letting it bother me too much. I have fun blogging and reading and that's all that matters :) I don't want to get bogged down in the details, but sometimes it is just too easy to get jealous of somebody else's ARC or contacts or whatever :/

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  11. What a wonderful discussion, Sunny! And a wise message from your parents. I definitely needed to hear this this week. I'm feeling very behind on blogging and it's gotten me stressed. But I need to just let it go and do what I can. I do this for me, and I want to keep it fun always. I definitely get jealous of arcs that I want at times, but I'm also happy for others. And I try to remind myself that I will get to read that book, just maybe not right now. Thanks for posting.

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  12. Your parents sound like cool people, Summer. I have to admit, I don't compare myself to others very often - I learnt years ago that that doesn't make me very happy! Though I do understand how it can be a normal thing for many people to do. It can be so easy to use other people's success as a measure of your own. In terms of blogging, I no longer care if I don't post daily, or even weekly (though I do always wonder how those people do it!), and ARCs aren't something I usually tend to get jealous over. I mean, there will definitely always be that one title that someone has and I wish I could have too, but I find it so easy to distract myself with other things these days, until I can get my hands on it. :) A great discussion post, Summer!

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  13. Love this post, Summer! I don't have much to add here, but to answer the question at the end, I try not to compare myself and my blog to others. I fail at that sometimes (Thinking that mine isn't as good.), but I tell myself there's not any point to it and I just need to focus on my blog and not worry about what other people are doing. Even if it's hard sometimes to.

    And fun fact: My Mom taught Sunday School for several years when I was younger, too! She doesn't anymore, but I thought that was neat! :)

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  14. I really liked your post! I think it's natural to compare yourself to other people sometimes, and really hard to avoid feeling inferior or superior. I know that there are times when I feel this way too (especially when it comes to being organized), but I do try to focus on what I like doing, what works for me and what feels right. It's difficult to always avoid these moments of comparison, but I darn well try to!

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  15. I've stopped comparing myself to other bloggers .it is hard but I get trough it . Lovely discussion

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